What killed Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe?
These are two ladies whom I admire that let their light be darkened and eventually put out because they sugar-coated, truth with wishful thinking. Learn from them – don’t let this be you.
Judy Garland and Marylin Monroe have been close to my heart for years. Talented, beautiful, kind, shaped by the world. They both made fatal mistakes and through them, I have learned the truth about looking at the bright side and faking it till you make it.
Have you ever covered a bad situation or your feelings and thoughts by saying things like:
- It’s all good.
- I’m fine.
- I’ll get better. – Just don’t tell anyone.
- I will just look at the bright side of things.
- It will be better tomorrow.
These words and beliefs keep survivors circling from victimhood to survivor and back again.
The saying: Just love your neighbor, be kind and it will work itself out. Is only true when your neighbor is doing the same.
A while back a dear woman called me for help. She is told me, she had just been beaten by her husband. She blamed herself but was going to leave this time. She didn’t want to be unforgiving or selfish.
We spoke about her exit plan. But by the end of our conversation, her mind had tricked her into safely staying in the hell she knew so well. Afraid that beyond it he works would be worse, with nothing or no one.
She concluded by showing me; she is kind and wants him to love her so much. He will feel better tomorrow she said. I don’t need help, God wants me to be love and that’s what I am.
A few weeks later I heard she was in the hospital.
I don’t know what happened after that but I bet she went back.
This is a victim cycle. We are trained to do better, be better. We lean into religious and spiritual bypassing. Meaning we sugar coat, suffer with God as if he needs our help. Believe the hype that suffering is Righteous.
But nothing’s is righteous about being abused, verbally, physically or emotionally. By looking on the bright side and waiting for others to see how kind and good you are, you are literally supporting abuse and abusing yourself.
Then the victim gets strong overcomes the excuses, things will get better, he really does love me, Love concord all. And she becomes a survivor, the survivor will fix herself, never take abuse again, get positive. She tells herself I am beautiful while feeling horrible. She tells other people that life is good while crying in her room. She is ashamed and hiding victimizing herself.
Then one day she says to herself this sucks. I’m dead inside and she decides to go into her dark cave. She admits the hurtful things she thinks about herself, she admits life isn’t a bed of roses. She admits she was abused and stayed there long after she knew it. She admits she has anger and hate and that she has never known love. She feels sadness and grieves for the first time, not because others didn’t love her but because she has never known how to love herself.
She decides to get to know herself, the dark isn’t so scary anymore, in fact, it’s all she has ever known. She asks for help and slowly begins turning on the lights and her life lights up, the beauty, the strength, the power is almost too much to handle but she can finally see just how valuable she is.
She never sugar coats, side steps or denies the darkness again, she knows how to turn on the lights.
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